Week 3: 61 A. 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover!

50. Leave them a ransom note asking for your heart back.
49. A post-it stamp 'I can't, don't hate me'.
48. Leaving everything they ever bought you on their doorstep... on fire.
47. A text message break up.
46. Or a phone call.
45. Send them a singing telegram.
44. Fax message.
43. Carrier pigeon?
42. Send them a fake death notice (your fake death notice).
41. Planning a date and then not showing up, and then not answering any of their phone calls.
40. If you live together... change the lock.
39. Email / twitter and/or tweet.
38. Record yourself singing a break-up song and send it to them.
37. If you have a relationship status on facebook, simply change it back to 'single'.
36. Sending them dead flowers with a note that reads 'these flowers signify our love'.
37. Faking a head injury and acting like you can't remember who they are.
36. Telling them you have just realized that you are homosexual. (You're lying, of course.)
35. Accusing them of cheating on you (when you know they haven't) and break up with them.
34. You could always be honest. (I suppose.)
33. Jedi mind tricks.
32. Convince them that you've decided to run away with a Russian circus as a clown.
31. Change your voicemail or answering machine message to, "Hey, ______,  if this is you calling... We're over, and don't call me again."
30. Abducted by aliens always works.
29. The classic: "It's me, not you."
28. Tell them that you're going to jail.
27. Send them a 'Goodbye' halmark card.
26. Make them break up with you by doing the following things:
25. Repeat everything they say in a high-pitched voice.
24. Get a (fake) tattoo of their face and make them think it's real.
23. Leave them flowers... everywhere. All the time.
22. Call them by the wrong name. "Oh, hey, Jenny. I mean Becca. Or was it Tabatha...?"
21. Forget their birthday, your anniversary, Christmas, Valentine's day....
20. Invite them over and make nothing but their least favorite foods for dinner, whilst playing their least favorite movie on TV.
19. Use the most sickening pet names, in public, on the phone, at home, everywhere. (Silly bunny, cookie lips, pudding pie)
18. Whenever they call, answer the phone saying, "Hello there, my future husband/wife."
17. Borrow their favorite CD and return it mysteriously broke in half. "How did that happen?"
16. Tell them they remind you exactly of their mother/father.
15. Leave all of your stuff at their place. Toothbrush, shampoo, soap, conditioner, even underwear.
14. Make sure they see you as you kiss your cat/dog on the lips.
13. Go into the bathroom, for a very long time and come out yelling, "WOOOOO--EEE!! You better light a candle!"
12. Every time you compliment them, follow it up with two things you dislike about them.
11. Borrow their car frequently and adjust all the seats and mirrors dramatically every single time. And change all their radio settings.
10. Steal the covers. And the pillows. And hog the bed. Every night.
9. Commit a crime and frame it on them.
8. Be clingy. Hang on their every word. Text them all the time. Write on their facebook wall once an hour.
7. Tell them you someday want 6 kids.
6. Two words: stop showering.
5. Give them a huge picture of your face as a gift, accompanied with a wallet-sized version for when they're not home.
4. Watch them sleep.
3. When they ask you to do something, do the complete opposite.
2. Show up at their job, when you know they're ridiculously busy, and tell them you just came to 'chat' and stay for an hour.
1. Tell them you want to hear about every thought they've ever had, why they had it, what they think of it, and when they had it.