week 15

Choice #4 Week 15.
Write about yourself as a writer--hopes and dreams, strengths and weaknesses, ambitions and failures; reactions to the semester, what changed for better or worse in your writing; course experiences, problems, positives.

What is a writer? 

I like to think that a writer isn't just a profession or a noun or even an adjective. It's a personality. It's a piece of who you are. It's a passion. 

Writing is so infinite. There are a million different possibilities. Every story opens doors; every door opens to another. Writing can never end. 

Myself as a writer... It's a funny thing to ponder. I have the soul of a writer; the soul of an artist who wants to make a mark on the world. Although I enjoy writing and consider myself a bit talented - I'm unpublished. 

Even though I'm a dreamer and an optimist, I'm also a realist. If I'm not officially published, I don't know if I can call myself a writer. Maybe I could say I'm an aspiring writer. Maybe I could say I enjoy to write. 

Career-wise, being a writer is something I've wanted to do for the entirety of my existence. I had dreams of best sellers and book signing. I wanted to be a famous author with an array of books for readers to choose from. 

But as an adult, I'm a realist. I would love all of the things I just said - but let's face it, the chances of that happening are pretty low. I'd like to be a photojournalist and incorporate both of my biggest passions into one big, heap. At the same time, I strive at creative fiction writing. This course has taught me more about non fiction then I ever knew before. I used to avoid non-fiction writing because I thought that writing was an escape. And non-fiction would ruin that. Why escape and go to something that's... real?

But after spending this semester inside my own head, racking my thoughts around and composing pieces, pieces that I had lived or felt, it made me think differently about non-fiction. You can explore things that are real and still have that sense of fantasy. This course helped me learn things about my own writing ability that I didn't know I had. It truly put a lot of things to the test. 

I can admit that I've been told before by multiple people that I have a knack for writing. I think it's very important to recognize your talents in life but remain humble. At the same time, writing is still difficult for me at times. Sometimes, it's no effort at all. But other times, I'm struggling and fighting to get the words out. Sometimes I experience writer's block that is so severe I feel trapped. I think writer's block is an awful feeling. Sometimes I work as hard as I can on pieces and I feel literally, physically drained. I take writing too seriously from time to time. 

This course has helped me with one very important thing that I needed - feedback. I needed some helpful advice with my writing. Sometimes I use too many adjectives. Sometimes I work so hard on the beginning of the piece that by the ending, I just want to be done with it so I finish on an unsatisfying note. 

My strengths are my passion for writing. I'm the sort of person that when I care about something, I care about it with everything I have. That's how I am with writing. When I get positive feedback on my writing, it's a feeling that sends me souring. When it's not-so-positive feedback (someone told me once it sounded like a romance novel... yuck), I work on fixing it pronto. Writing is something that I need. I need that sort of expression; I need that feeling of freedom. I've always thought that the human mind was both the most dangerous and the safest place. Its secrets are locked away forever. But there also can be plenty of madness locked inside. As far as writers go, I think they're a little more crazy then the normal human mind. They can create their own world in their mind, and I can bet they get lost. I know I get lost from time to time in the fantasies of my own mind. 

As far as weaknesses go, I think too much. Sometimes I try too hard. My simplest pieces can tend to be my best ones. I put too much thought into things sometimes; I don't trust myself enough. This course made me challenge myself to really fight for words and think outside the box - and it's exactly what I needed. 

I think I'll always be that little girl who wants to be a writer. For a while I strayed from the dream, but when I got back into it, it really started clicking. It makes me happy. I can't ignore how happy it makes me, and I can't ignore a talent that I have. I have a long ways to go before I'm anywhere near a professional writer, but it's a journey I'm willing to take. Best sellers? Maybe not. But possibly. 

For now, classes like this are exactly what I need. This class challenged me and made me become very serious about my writing. I can admit that there are times when I can be cocky about it. I wrote a 9 page paper in 2 hours the other day, and got a 95 on it. Sometimes I when I do that, I feel a little over confident. But as an instructor, your honest critiques and thoughts really help bringing me back down. I'm definitely not a cocky person; I'm as honest and humble as they come. But being reminded that I'm still working on being a writer is something I need from time to time. 

As a writer, I will always be looking for more things to write about. When I write, I'm happier. When I write, I'm stronger. I can't explain it; maybe I shouldn't. Maybe it's something that even words can't explain. 

But for now, I'll continue to write. I'll continue to work on this skill. 

I'm looking forward to 262 :)